Whats your favorite sandwich? PB &J, BLT, corned been on rye? Mine was a Reuben until I stopped eating meat and created a "Ruby" to fill the gap. The point is, when we think of a sandwich we think only of the joy of eating. There is however, a group of people to whom the word means crisis, anxiety, and painful reminders of their own mortality.
I am quoting this definition from Wiki but there are several scholarly sources for those who wish to pursue the topic.
"The #Sandwich generation is a generation of people who care for their #aging parents while supporting their own children.
According to the Pew Research Center, just over 1 of every 8 Americans aged 40 to 60 is both raising a child and caring for a parent, in addition to between 7 to 10 million adults #caring for their #aging #parents from a long distance. US Census Bureau statistics indicate that the number of older Americans aged 65 or older will double by the year 2030, to over 70 million.
Carol Abaya categorized the different scenarios involved in being a part of the sandwich generation.
- Traditional: those sandwiched between aging parents who need care and/or help and their own children.
- Club Sandwich: those in their 50s or 60s sandwiched between aging parents, adult children and grandchildren, or those in their 30s and 40s, with young children, aging parents and grandparents.
- Open Faced: anyone else involved in #elder care."
The pressures are intense because of the pull to give 100% in three directions - parent, children, and to the significant other. The shift from child to "parenting the parent" creates it's own difficulty. The sandwiched person often labor under intense guilt feelings because they think they are not honoring their parents as they should. At the same time, there is no second chance to be present in the lives of the caregivers' children if those opportunities are not embraced before kids are too old to for it to matter.
Naturally, many marriages become stressed to breaking point especially when there is no other option but to move the aging and ailing into the nuclear family. What if anything can the "Filling" do to avoid being completely flattened by circumstances?
1.Be realistic - you cannot do everything. Decide what are your absolutes - things you must do and what is okay to ask someone else to take off your hands.
2. Get help - there are government agencies that can provide a couple hours help to bathe and feed or even take your loved one to doctors appointments. Besides, many churches have volunteers; know your resources.
3. Accept the role of decision maker completely. If your loved one is cognitively impaired don't expect rational decisions or expectations on their part. They will not know your are stretched to the limit or fully appreciate you are doing all you can. You have to be the one to set and maintain boundaries.
4. If there are siblings, try to get everyone involved in some aspect of the care-giving duties. Most importantly, don't wait until your parent is in the hospital before deciding on #long-term care and end of life issues.
5. Learn to carve out "me " time - it does not have to be a whole summer vacation. An hour with a friend, a walk in the evening, a quiet place for prayer and meditation. Anywhere, anytime where you can be alone to breathe. By the same token, seek support. You are not the only one going through this season as the statics clearly show. Find a support group.
6. Remember to take care of you while caring for everyone else. Eating, sleeping, exercise ... there as needful for you as for your family. Who knows? On wicked hard days when your energy and optimism are at their lowest and you need a hand up your favorite sandwich may just do the trick.
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